The questions you dont ask

Not long ago I was wary of your questions.....you seem to ask them all the time...i thought u did it on purpose just to see how easily i get annoyed....even though I reminded myself of good parenting 101....always encourage your children to ask questions....always answer them politely....they are little curious scientists....etc etc....Blah....its 7 pm and i am in no mood to play 1001 questions...

Why you get angry Mamma?

why we have to leave naani house mamma?

what will we do when daadi goes back mamma?

who makes the cars mamma?

where does the garbage truck takes the trash mamma?

what is "fuckitell" mamma? (he overheard me saying fuck it hell..... oops)

How did the baby get inside your tummy mamma? 

when you cry i feel hurt mamma....here (he points at his chest) ok so this is not a question but it makes me want to run away....seriously....

So i thought answering your questions is the most difficult thing to do.....answering you nicely i mean...

But every time i share some knowledge with you.....every time i correct you....every time my answer don't match with the picture you have of this world....i feel like i am disappointing you.....like i am robbing you of your innocence....I dont want to do that.....i want you to think this world is amazing....

Few evenings ago you were upset about something....i wanted to distract you...so i started making animal noises....it worked you forgot what you were angry about....Mamma be a lion *roar* be a dog *woof woof* a cat *meow* a goat *baa baa* NO a goat *meh meh* No mamma......here i will show you....

you took my dupatta and tied my hands....just like the ones we saw Mamma....

We were in our car stopped at a signal....it was the day before bakra-eid....there was a tempo in front of us....with few goats tied inside....their limbs were all tied they look bored or scared i dont know....you pointed at them and said "look goats" but you didnt ask me anything.....i waited for the questions to come...but you just kept looking at them....You found your own answer....

I'm scared .... it makes me uneasy when you don't ask questions..... don't stop now.....not yet.....

Another one?

Now that the bump is really showing (I'm making no efforts to hide it.....flaunting it rather)
this is what i'm getting to hear

"Are you expecting?" (yes thats not fat you know)

"Are you going the family way?" (Errr... dont i have a son already?)

"Are you carrying?" (yes thats my uterus working really hard)

Someone really rude will come and touch my belly and then ask "can i touch?" well NO back off

but the more strange ones come from mums of 2-3 year olds

"You really have some guts haa?"

"Good Luck man its going to be so much work"

"Why?"

"Another one? Who has another one in this age and time?"

Well only those who have one already.....I mean i know of a lot of people who have 2 or more for reasons best known to them.....My having another one is not a statement.....its not an act of defiance.....or me trying to prove any point.....My reason is very simple....I'm having another one because I'm simply and totally in love with my first one....The last 3 years have been the most amazing time of my life....Watching this little pound of flesh who came out of me turn into a beautiful person is a miracle....The way he is becoming a little person creating his own identity.....watching him grow every day has been like being in an amazing experiment.....

So i'm having another one because i want to feel this high of mother hood again.....and its more fun this time coz Arav is in on it with me....We are talking about the baby everyday....we are talking to the baby everyday....In the night he takes the bottle of aloe vera gel and slathers it all over my belly....while talking to the baby about his day....He practices pre-natal yoga with me and reminds me to take my vitamins....he fetches Digene for me whenever he sees my "god-damn-this heartburn-face"

Here is how our going to bed prayer sounds like

Dear God pls give us a healthy happy baby ---- Arav adds " i promise to share my toys with the baby"
Someday it is " i will take care of the baby but not clean his/her potty
Someday it is " i will sleep with mamma and if the baby comes in between i will kick him/her off the bed" at which point we stop talking about the baby.....

Well of course it will be challenging.....but we will have fun... Me Arav and Anushka/Aarush ( names picked by Arav for the baby)

So yea go ahead wish me ... congratulate me.....and while you are at it sign up for baby-sitting :)

A "Good" Fight

I have not had one of those in a while..... A good fight**.... The kind that builds intimacy...

The kind of fight where you go to the very edge but then rush towards each other again as if it was end of the world....the kind of fight where you expose the most vulnerable raw part of you but you are not afraid to.....because there is an all-accepting embrace at the end of it.....The fight which breaks all the expectations and then builds new ones.....The dialogue that you have with yourself and you know will lead to trouble when you say it loud and still it comes spilling out of you....and when it does you realize half of those things that you planned to say never came out......because they were not needed.....there is an intense gaze that says "It's OK.. I love you...I may not always say so but I do....Not despite of your faults but sometimes because of them....I love you because you are you....."

The kind of fight that muddles with your brains and shakes the very core of you...where at the end you are left both utterly exhausted and exhilarated.... The kind of fight that leaves you flushed, blushed and very chuffed.... The one which makes you want to announce to the world how great your fight was but also the kind which makes you want to shut up and keep it private just for your own self....and smile your mysterious smile and feel very smug about yourself....

you know what I am talking about? Wait.....do you? I walk to the other room where he is working on his laptop and I ask him "What according to you is a good fight?"

A good fight is the one that leads to make-up sex.....Great make-up sex

Hmm thats one way of putting it.....

I definitely want me one of  those


** Again inspired by the amazing Natasha Badhwar http://www.livemint.com/articles/2012/07/27202529/The-perfect-anniversary-gift.html

An ode to my baby

it has been a long silence on the blog.......just going thru mundane routine.....waiting for sometthing exciting to happen....waiting for someone to come and lift me up from this laziness.....some inspiration....just feeling shitty actually


last few weeks have been bad....the help was absconding....i was not keeping well....and also the big move is looming on our heads.....so there are boxes everywhere....and there is a bitter after taste of fever in my mouth.....all in all a shitty position to be in.....but in all this....Arav has been a darling....i couldnt believe how sensitive can a 3 yr old be.... he is taking care of me....he gets me blanket if i get cold...he runs to get water when i ask him to....he is playing on his own without asking for anything.....I am truly amazed....and very very proud of him....

He asked me yesterday Mamma aap sad kyu ho? i said baby i have fever...ok how will you feel better he asked....by taking some rest..... ok jao rest karo....i will play and then i will come sleep next to you....aap jao.... And every now and then he is telling me aap bahut ache ho aap mere friend ho....before goin to bed he told Fairy god mother mamma ko jaldi se thik kar do....

Aru baby i just want to you to know i'm very grateful to have you as my baby..... I must have done something very right in my past lives that God has made me your mamma....

i hope to feel better soon....and be your good mamma again

It's a boy

this post zoomed into my head after reading this very honest and brilliant piece written by the super talented Natasha Badhwar http://www.livemint.com/2012/04/26231744/Do-girls-make-you-uncomfortabl.html

I'm currently mothering a 3 year old boy....and entertaining thoughts of making baby no 2. i talk occasionally about it.....but think a lot about it....i would like the next baby to be a girl...all big eyed and curly haired.....i would like to buy the prettiest of dresses for her....it would be a complete family.....but honestly what i would like more than having a girl is having another baby......just the thought of being pregnant and holding a tiny baby is making me all mushy inside.....

but nearly everyone i know has told me that my next-born is going to be a boy.....relatives, their astrologers, random strangers.....the word is that i cannot have a girl....does that make me sad? not really.....what if its true? will i be sad then? i doubt it....If and when I'm holding my new healthy baby in my arms will it really matter to me? No.

Is parenting a boy really that different from parenting a girl? i dont think so....

Scientifically we know how baby boys or girls are born.....but do we really know why? What if there is a purpose behind it? I believe everything that is happening in my life is helping me in my journey to become a better person....Everything is an upgrade.....I'm turning into a better version of me every moment....So the reason i gave birth to a boy and not to a girl is because there is something that i need to learn....there is some part of me which needs healing , reconciliation, upgradation.....which only Arav can provide....

it may also mean that I'm more equipped to raise a boy than a girl....that our parenting combination (mine active husband's dormant) is suitable to raise an honest sensitive independent man (or so i would like to think)

is it pre-written or a freak combination of chromosomes? who knows.....i can only hope that when i'm having my next one God should re-assess my credentials and tathastu on me accordingly......

Lazy Mommy = Not so crazy Mommy

So for quite some time now I have been reading about parenting.....blogs, articles, books, magazines......terms like spiritual parenting, involved parenting, child led parenting, hands-on parenting etc etc have been thrown around....It can get quiet over whelming....So you have to pick and choose....and create what suits you and your child of course.... (mainly you)

Thus I came up with my very own magic formula which is by all means an extension of my personality and more or less have worked for me and Arav....Here it goes

Lazy parenting. Letting time take its course. Slow reflexes, denial, temporary amnesia, very high threshold for grossness....These are all very important tools of parenting i discovered.

It all started with breastfeeding....This was a no brainer really....No washing or sterilising needed. No need to lug around a bag full of bottles and nipples and formula and warm water and what-not. Just a baby blanket or a shawl to cover your modesty and voila....After the infant has turned into a toddler it becomes all the more important to act slowly.  Dont jump at every sound he makes. Dont linger. Let the child be. If he is hurt he will get back up. If he is bored he will find something to do. Eventually. You just have to wait and watch. All the while pretending to be really concerned. It is a skill that you must develop.

Ground-level parenting. this is an extension of my lazy philosophy. Always sitting on the ground with the child. It is the easiest thing to do really. this way all the mess is away from your furniture. Also the child will be happy doing his thing if he knows you are that accessible. Which can mean you can read your newspaper or chat with someone on the phone or paint your toes (ofcourse you will have to paint his first). It has all sort of other benefits like correct posture, being on the same eye-level as the kid builds trust etc etc.....even though all you are trying to do is save your couch.

Community parenting. Ideally a child should grow up in a community. But a joint family comes with too many strings attached. Instead what you can opt for is a group of moms you like to hang around with and more importantly group of kids your child doesnt particularly dislike. if you have this combination then you have it made. Note : fathers are not a required part of this community at all. In fact they are known to throw the balance off.....so include them at your own risk. If your friends are having kids at the same time you are then you seriously lucked out. If not keep them for special weekends. Meanwhile go out and make a bunch of mommy friends. Then you can play-date, exchange toys, be a support system. Also bitch about all mommy-things and there is no better bonding exercise than that.

Common-sense parenting. This again can be called an extension of lazy theory. Let the child choose. Let him decide when to eat and when to stop. Keep it simple. As uncomplicated as possible. The child doesnt need any of the latest toys or gadgets or IQ increasing product. He needs un-processed food and un-conditional love. Lots of hugs, smiles and a little bit of crazy. A park to jump and run in. A table to draw and eat on. And your time. Every second of it. All of it. As much as you can part with it.

Like Ranbir Kapoor says "Keep it simple, silly"

Of course it would mean you will have to postpone. everything. a lot. You will miss coffee dates, dance nights, sale on your favourite brand, un-interrupted conversations even with yourself. But you will learn to be Zen about it. First you waited to grow up now you just have to wait for them to grow up. That's all. and it will happen before you even realise it. So take it slow. Take it easy. Pour yourself a drink. and if you are not a drinking type then eat a bar of chocolate and read few pages out of your favorite book after everyone is asleep. It will keep you sane.

Three....already???

When you give birth you are born again....its your birth too...said Farida Jalal to Rani Mukherjee & Priety Zinta in a movie which was too lame and i wondered why am i even watching it.....this was many days ago while i flipped channels drinking my evening tea.....today this came back to me while i walked around the compound of our society....handing out invitations for the boy's upcoming birthday party.....My baby is not a baby anymore....He is turning 3....he now knows what a birthday party means....He has made a guest list too....I want him to have a great birthday...I'm freaking out....

there are many things happening currently ....right from mom getting operated to many deadlines at work...but of all the things the one i'm worrying the most about is the party.....How silly....i can always hire a party planner and then just show up on his birthday....but thats not what i want for him.... this is giving me sleepless nights.......I'm not a host....never have been....I'm a guest ....I'm an agony aunt....I'm a one-on-one person.....I'm lost in a group of 10-15 people....I cant draw or craft even if my life depended on it....I am not very great with food....this is way outside my comfort zone.....So why am i doing this?For Arav obviously i thought....but turns out it isnt that simple.

Your child gives you a chance to redeem yourself...so while he's learning to be an adult you are learning to become a child again.....So I'm learning to cut road signs and draw a dump truck on his invitations....The voice in my head tells me its not for him....its for me...Funny things happen when you become a parent....Never in my life have i felt the urgency to become a better person than now....Now that Arav minutely observes everything i do and emulate most of it...I have almost hit the panic button....The child also has the ability to strip you of all the titles you have given yourself over the years and show you your true self....The face that is hiding behind the grown-up mask....its very unnerving really....The child can make you more vulnerable than ever....He will pull away the emotional crutches you have been leaning on , pull you down to the ground and show you what you are truly made of.....And for most of us its not a pretty picture...

They are very demanding these children....They demand love...unconditional non-stoppable inconvenient love....not for themselves but for you.....They demand that you learn to love yourself....Children are like mirrors....they are reflecting you....and they are reminding you to change what you dont like in this reflection...Change it now....There is hardly any time....they grow up too fast...

My baby isnt a baby anymore ....He is turning 3....Just like he's stumbling through toddlerhood becoming a big boy.....I'm stumbling through this difficult maze of parenthood trying to find myself....

Its our birthday on 29th March....A boy will turn 3 ... and the mother will turn 3.....

Rekindling the romance....more like resurrecting it

Can you wake up and be in love with me again?
and flirt with me for one full day

Can we go for late night walks?
and lose the hours in our talks

Can you take me out on a date?
and stay out with me till its very late

Can you cook me breakfast in bed?
Waffles blueberries the whole spread

Can you call me just to hear my voice?
and each time you call say something really nice

Can you surprise me in the middle of the day?
take me for a movie or lunch or a play

Can we lay awake in the night?
Gazing at stars under the moonlight

I know honey its not easy
Seventh year of marriage
All this might feel cheesy

We are parents now not lovers
So lets just do one thing
Lets have a casual fling
with each other.

The more things change the more they remain the same......or do they?

Going to matunga eating at the same Udipi..... recognising the waiter....a knowing smile on his face....Saada dosa ? yes he knows what i eat....or ate.....the dosa comes....looking as it looked always.....does it taste the same? may be.... i'm not sure....somehow in my memories it tasted different.....the place is same but it felt different.....there were different people on the table with me.....Most of them are not a part of my life anymore.....they are on my friends list in facebook.....but its been ages since i shared a dosa with them.....the new faces on this table too have a history with me.....I dragged them here so that they can walk down this memory lane with me....they are trying but they dont get it.....whats so special about this dosa? I dont know i cant explain....

Nostalgia is a funny word....a bitter sweet longing for things.....yearning for the past often in an idealized form.....Ah! thats the problem.....i have glorified the dosa in my head.....this real one will never come close to it.....The more things change the more they remain the same....Nostalgia however screws this equation.....In the past while eating this dosa I laughed a lot.....no inhibitions no worries.....I smile now....I'm different...So it's not the dosa it's me who has changed.....So thats why a walk down marine lines and eating strawberries and cream at bachelors isnt the same.....You dont look the same as you did before....He said to me....i know i'm getting old....No thats not what i meant.....When you smile your eyes dont smile anymore.....Why ? i wonder.....What eluded me? Which part of me am i missing?

Earlier this year I sent Arav away......So that we can have some us time....but us is not complete without him.....i realized there were very few things we had to say to each other..... running out of conversation now thats my biggest fear.....why does it have to be? only someone who is not at peace with themselves would want constant noise around them.....relax take a deep breath Shweta.....sitting quietly with each other is a milestone....celebrate this victory...Dont try to recreate moments....focus on the now

yes you are right...may be it doesnt have to be the same.....May be i'm meant to make new memories....with these new people....may be i have to learn to laugh without inhibitions again.....that can be done....if i can do a little dance on the sidewalk with Arav while we eat our strawberries and cream.....i can do this.....Nostalgia you can stay in my heart....you can sweep over me every now and then.....but know this.....you are but a passing cloud.....the present moment is my song....and sometimes i might sound like i have bad cold.....but i'm determined to keep singing....

Everyone you love will find you again.....said someone i truly admire....and i believe in it

Piece of mind

Mamma Mamma listen to me
and dont act all annoyed when i call you....i need your help ok...these socks are stuck on my feet...dont sit on the couch with one eye on the newspaper and shoot instructions....get up and help me....and saying the same thing in a louder voice aint helping anyone here....

Dont repeat everything i say in English.....should'nt you be glad that i can clearly express myself in one language that everybody around me understands? then what with this "I'm going I'm sitting I'm jumping" nonsense.....

Dont tell me I'm a big boy now....I'm turning 3....thats right...how many birthdays have i had? one two....how many have you had? Say it to yourself loudly three times if it doesnt register...Only 2 birthdays so far One two.....get it? So if i fall i will cry.....if the tower im making collapses i will shriek....if there is an ad break while i'm watching chota bheem i will scream.....dont tell me its not logical....i dont understand your logic....

Dont tell me to stop jumping around....i'm not hyper or restless....i'm enterprising and curious....like a little scientist....i want to see what happens if i flip open the ketchup bottle and turn it upside down.....i want to see what happens if i keep four cushions on top of each other and jump on it....i need to do this to learn and grow....isnt that what you wish for me?

Dont tell me how to eat my food.....as far as kids my age go I'm least fussy about food...so you should be grateful....dont give me all the bull about how monster will come if i dont sleep on my own bed.....I slept in yours for 2 years no one came....And please dont embarrass me by recalling how i peed in my bed.....i slipped ok....one or two mistakes are allowed.....

Dont tell me to leave you alone if you have had a long day.....it just so happens that i need you the most that very minute.....dont expect me to play with my colors or clay while you jabber on the phone...it doesnt work that way....puzzles,colors,cars,bubbles can only keep me busy for 5 minutes tops.....if you want it to last longer play with me or get me a play mate.....but dont take this opportunity to ask me if its okay to bring a baby in the house? sorry ...that position is taken...I'm the baby of the house...you already have your hands full....get me a dog or a cat instead....

Dont expect me to sleep early the night you have dinner or movie plans...i'm not a robot....and tell papa not to lecture me about getting things right.....ask him too...how many birthdays have i had? one two....dont wonder where i'm learning certain bad words from.....I'm learning them from you....or the TV you watch in front of me...everything i know has come from you...the good the bad....I'm taller than the kids my age coz of you both....And as you say I'm aggressive and restless....then that has something to do with you guys too....check your genetics....before you come pointing your fingers at me......

I will be the most co-operative, understanding, soft spoken, problem-solving, resourceful, helping, kind, healthy child .... if and only if you exhibit these qualities in front of me....each day every day.....i learn by watching what you do not what you say to me....thats parenting 101....So keep it together for my sake....now excuse me Chota bheem is back....