Going to matunga eating at the same Udipi..... recognising the waiter....a knowing smile on his face....Saada dosa ? yes he knows what i eat....or ate.....the dosa comes....looking as it looked always.....does it taste the same? may be.... i'm not sure....somehow in my memories it tasted different.....the place is same but it felt different.....there were different people on the table with me.....Most of them are not a part of my life anymore.....they are on my friends list in facebook.....but its been ages since i shared a dosa with them.....the new faces on this table too have a history with me.....I dragged them here so that they can walk down this memory lane with me....they are trying but they dont get it.....whats so special about this dosa? I dont know i cant explain....
Nostalgia is a funny word....a bitter sweet longing for things.....yearning for the past often in an idealized form.....Ah! thats the problem.....i have glorified the dosa in my head.....this real one will never come close to it.....The more things change the more they remain the same....Nostalgia however screws this equation.....In the past while eating this dosa I laughed a lot.....no inhibitions no worries.....I smile now....I'm different...So it's not the dosa it's me who has changed.....So thats why a walk down marine lines and eating strawberries and cream at bachelors isnt the same.....You dont look the same as you did before....He said to me....i know i'm getting old....No thats not what i meant.....When you smile your eyes dont smile anymore.....Why ? i wonder.....What eluded me? Which part of me am i missing?
Earlier this year I sent Arav away......So that we can have some us time....but us is not complete without him.....i realized there were very few things we had to say to each other..... running out of conversation now thats my biggest fear.....why does it have to be? only someone who is not at peace with themselves would want constant noise around them.....relax take a deep breath Shweta.....sitting quietly with each other is a milestone....celebrate this victory...Dont try to recreate moments....focus on the now
yes you are right...may be it doesnt have to be the same.....May be i'm meant to make new memories....with these new people....may be i have to learn to laugh without inhibitions again.....that can be done....if i can do a little dance on the sidewalk with Arav while we eat our strawberries and cream.....i can do this.....Nostalgia you can stay in my heart....you can sweep over me every now and then.....but know this.....you are but a passing cloud.....the present moment is my song....and sometimes i might sound like i have bad cold.....but i'm determined to keep singing....
Everyone you love will find you again.....said someone i truly admire....and i believe in it
Nostalgia is a funny word....a bitter sweet longing for things.....yearning for the past often in an idealized form.....Ah! thats the problem.....i have glorified the dosa in my head.....this real one will never come close to it.....The more things change the more they remain the same....Nostalgia however screws this equation.....In the past while eating this dosa I laughed a lot.....no inhibitions no worries.....I smile now....I'm different...So it's not the dosa it's me who has changed.....So thats why a walk down marine lines and eating strawberries and cream at bachelors isnt the same.....You dont look the same as you did before....He said to me....i know i'm getting old....No thats not what i meant.....When you smile your eyes dont smile anymore.....Why ? i wonder.....What eluded me? Which part of me am i missing?
Earlier this year I sent Arav away......So that we can have some us time....but us is not complete without him.....i realized there were very few things we had to say to each other..... running out of conversation now thats my biggest fear.....why does it have to be? only someone who is not at peace with themselves would want constant noise around them.....relax take a deep breath Shweta.....sitting quietly with each other is a milestone....celebrate this victory...Dont try to recreate moments....focus on the now
yes you are right...may be it doesnt have to be the same.....May be i'm meant to make new memories....with these new people....may be i have to learn to laugh without inhibitions again.....that can be done....if i can do a little dance on the sidewalk with Arav while we eat our strawberries and cream.....i can do this.....Nostalgia you can stay in my heart....you can sweep over me every now and then.....but know this.....you are but a passing cloud.....the present moment is my song....and sometimes i might sound like i have bad cold.....but i'm determined to keep singing....
Everyone you love will find you again.....said someone i truly admire....and i believe in it
What part of me am I missing?
ReplyDeleteThe answer to that will come. Slowly. If there's one thing I have learned, it is to slow down. Let things happen. There is a reason why life is so long. Why kids take 20 years to grow up. Why love comes and goes. Laughter vanishes, then returns like a twinkle in the eye.
Keep the faith, your inner person knows more than you. Feed her, let her write. Clouds will lift.
love, Natasha
Thank you :)
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