Lately, the news of a Jain couple taking Diksha has been doing the rounds. You may have read the story, shared it and/or commented on it. Usually, I take these things with a pinch of salt. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. And free internet has taken the freedom of speech to a whole new level. But with great freedom comes great responsibility and I definitely see no such considerations in the comments I have come across various mommy groups.
To briefly introduce the story, a young couple decided to take Jain Diksha (monk-hood) and leave behind their 3-year-old daughter. The outrage among mommy communities is totally understandable. How could they do this to their own daughter? Why have children if this was the path you wanted? Yes yes it would be so much easier if there was no child in the equation.
But what gets my goat is the way the outrage is directed mostly towards the mother. The headline reads “Man leaves 400 crore property behind and his wife leaves 3 years old daughter behind” Yes because we all know only a mother is responsible for the child, especially in India. If this story was only about the man taking Diksha it would be a hero story. Look at him leaving behind all that wealth. But lo behold the mother has taken a decision and out comes the daggers and knives.
I am a Jain. Not a very religious one but definitely born and brought up around principles of Jainism. My own aunt has taken diksha at the age of 16 years. This was 50 years ago. I regularly meet families where one or more members have taken diksha. Like every religion ours is divided into many different sects too. And I am no expert on any. But this is what my understanding is, Jainism preaches control on one’s own self. Moksha is the state of enlightenment where you leave all the worldly pleasures and relations behind. We have to rise above the moh and maaya. That’s the ultimate goal of being born a human.
The one line that defines Jain priniciples for me is “Nij par shasan fir anushasan” which means we have to exercise discipline on ourselves before we can preach to others.
The process of Diksha is a complicated one. It is not granted to anyone who asks for it. There is an elaborate scrutiny. There are tests in place to check whether this is what a person truly wants and whether they can survive the hardships that come along this path. There is a transition period where they live like interns and are sent back home all this to test their calling. It is only when all these stages are successfully cleared, does one become a sadhu or sadhvi.
I read in an article that started off as an apology to the three year old that her parents were too selfish and that they conveniently dumped her on grandparents like how kids are dumped in dumpsters. Really?! How can you compare the two situations? In a society like ours where so many parents are working almost 12-15 hours a day outside home, isn’t it the grandparents who are playing the role of primary caregivers? Agreed the two situations are not alike but it definitely is not justified to compare it to the dumpster example, is it?
Rather than pointing fingers at this couple how about we direct our outrage towards the state of child-care in our country? We all know the idiom “It takes a village to raise a child.” Where is this village? Where is the support system for a mother? Why the world come pointing fingers at her if she chooses to follow a path that takes her away from the child? In an ideal world a child should be born in a loving community and if the parents for some reason can’t take care of the child, the community would. But we are far from this idealism and it is very easy to hold the mother accountable.
People are saying they should not have had the child if they were very religious from the beginning. But, this is a spiritual decision. It is a calling very difficult to ignore. It can build up over the years or take a moment to feel like that. I am sure they didn’t plan for it to happen this way.
I have no idea what their personal situation is. But one thing I have learned as an adult is, we all should have the right to define our own Normal. We should not be judged for choosing a path which is different than the so called “norms” of the society.
This post first appeared here
