Monday, March 19, 2012

Three....already???

When you give birth you are born again....its your birth too...said Farida Jalal to Rani Mukherjee & Priety Zinta in a movie which was too lame and i wondered why am i even watching it.....this was many days ago while i flipped channels drinking my evening tea.....today this came back to me while i walked around the compound of our society....handing out invitations for the boy's upcoming birthday party.....My baby is not a baby anymore....He is turning 3....he now knows what a birthday party means....He has made a guest list too....I want him to have a great birthday...I'm freaking out....

there are many things happening currently ....right from mom getting operated to many deadlines at work...but of all the things the one i'm worrying the most about is the party.....How silly....i can always hire a party planner and then just show up on his birthday....but thats not what i want for him.... this is giving me sleepless nights.......I'm not a host....never have been....I'm a guest ....I'm an agony aunt....I'm a one-on-one person.....I'm lost in a group of 10-15 people....I cant draw or craft even if my life depended on it....I am not very great with food....this is way outside my comfort zone.....So why am i doing this?For Arav obviously i thought....but turns out it isnt that simple.

Your child gives you a chance to redeem yourself...so while he's learning to be an adult you are learning to become a child again.....So I'm learning to cut road signs and draw a dump truck on his invitations....The voice in my head tells me its not for him....its for me...Funny things happen when you become a parent....Never in my life have i felt the urgency to become a better person than now....Now that Arav minutely observes everything i do and emulate most of it...I have almost hit the panic button....The child also has the ability to strip you of all the titles you have given yourself over the years and show you your true self....The face that is hiding behind the grown-up mask....its very unnerving really....The child can make you more vulnerable than ever....He will pull away the emotional crutches you have been leaning on , pull you down to the ground and show you what you are truly made of.....And for most of us its not a pretty picture...

They are very demanding these children....They demand love...unconditional non-stoppable inconvenient love....not for themselves but for you.....They demand that you learn to love yourself....Children are like mirrors....they are reflecting you....and they are reminding you to change what you dont like in this reflection...Change it now....There is hardly any time....they grow up too fast...

My baby isnt a baby anymore ....He is turning 3....Just like he's stumbling through toddlerhood becoming a big boy.....I'm stumbling through this difficult maze of parenthood trying to find myself....

Its our birthday on 29th March....A boy will turn 3 ... and the mother will turn 3.....

1 comment:

  1. So true, children give us a chance to be perfectionist and turns out they are the best teachers when we achieve something that we never strive or wanted to do. Congratulations and happy birthday to Arav.

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