The more things change the more they remain the same......or do they?

Going to matunga eating at the same Udipi..... recognising the waiter....a knowing smile on his face....Saada dosa ? yes he knows what i eat....or ate.....the dosa comes....looking as it looked always.....does it taste the same? may be.... i'm not sure....somehow in my memories it tasted different.....the place is same but it felt different.....there were different people on the table with me.....Most of them are not a part of my life anymore.....they are on my friends list in facebook.....but its been ages since i shared a dosa with them.....the new faces on this table too have a history with me.....I dragged them here so that they can walk down this memory lane with me....they are trying but they dont get it.....whats so special about this dosa? I dont know i cant explain....

Nostalgia is a funny word....a bitter sweet longing for things.....yearning for the past often in an idealized form.....Ah! thats the problem.....i have glorified the dosa in my head.....this real one will never come close to it.....The more things change the more they remain the same....Nostalgia however screws this equation.....In the past while eating this dosa I laughed a lot.....no inhibitions no worries.....I smile now....I'm different...So it's not the dosa it's me who has changed.....So thats why a walk down marine lines and eating strawberries and cream at bachelors isnt the same.....You dont look the same as you did before....He said to me....i know i'm getting old....No thats not what i meant.....When you smile your eyes dont smile anymore.....Why ? i wonder.....What eluded me? Which part of me am i missing?

Earlier this year I sent Arav away......So that we can have some us time....but us is not complete without him.....i realized there were very few things we had to say to each other..... running out of conversation now thats my biggest fear.....why does it have to be? only someone who is not at peace with themselves would want constant noise around them.....relax take a deep breath Shweta.....sitting quietly with each other is a milestone....celebrate this victory...Dont try to recreate moments....focus on the now

yes you are right...may be it doesnt have to be the same.....May be i'm meant to make new memories....with these new people....may be i have to learn to laugh without inhibitions again.....that can be done....if i can do a little dance on the sidewalk with Arav while we eat our strawberries and cream.....i can do this.....Nostalgia you can stay in my heart....you can sweep over me every now and then.....but know this.....you are but a passing cloud.....the present moment is my song....and sometimes i might sound like i have bad cold.....but i'm determined to keep singing....

Everyone you love will find you again.....said someone i truly admire....and i believe in it

Piece of mind

Mamma Mamma listen to me
and dont act all annoyed when i call you....i need your help ok...these socks are stuck on my feet...dont sit on the couch with one eye on the newspaper and shoot instructions....get up and help me....and saying the same thing in a louder voice aint helping anyone here....

Dont repeat everything i say in English.....should'nt you be glad that i can clearly express myself in one language that everybody around me understands? then what with this "I'm going I'm sitting I'm jumping" nonsense.....

Dont tell me I'm a big boy now....I'm turning 3....thats right...how many birthdays have i had? one two....how many have you had? Say it to yourself loudly three times if it doesnt register...Only 2 birthdays so far One two.....get it? So if i fall i will cry.....if the tower im making collapses i will shriek....if there is an ad break while i'm watching chota bheem i will scream.....dont tell me its not logical....i dont understand your logic....

Dont tell me to stop jumping around....i'm not hyper or restless....i'm enterprising and curious....like a little scientist....i want to see what happens if i flip open the ketchup bottle and turn it upside down.....i want to see what happens if i keep four cushions on top of each other and jump on it....i need to do this to learn and grow....isnt that what you wish for me?

Dont tell me how to eat my food.....as far as kids my age go I'm least fussy about food...so you should be grateful....dont give me all the bull about how monster will come if i dont sleep on my own bed.....I slept in yours for 2 years no one came....And please dont embarrass me by recalling how i peed in my bed.....i slipped ok....one or two mistakes are allowed.....

Dont tell me to leave you alone if you have had a long day.....it just so happens that i need you the most that very minute.....dont expect me to play with my colors or clay while you jabber on the phone...it doesnt work that way....puzzles,colors,cars,bubbles can only keep me busy for 5 minutes tops.....if you want it to last longer play with me or get me a play mate.....but dont take this opportunity to ask me if its okay to bring a baby in the house? sorry ...that position is taken...I'm the baby of the house...you already have your hands full....get me a dog or a cat instead....

Dont expect me to sleep early the night you have dinner or movie plans...i'm not a robot....and tell papa not to lecture me about getting things right.....ask him too...how many birthdays have i had? one two....dont wonder where i'm learning certain bad words from.....I'm learning them from you....or the TV you watch in front of me...everything i know has come from you...the good the bad....I'm taller than the kids my age coz of you both....And as you say I'm aggressive and restless....then that has something to do with you guys too....check your genetics....before you come pointing your fingers at me......

I will be the most co-operative, understanding, soft spoken, problem-solving, resourceful, helping, kind, healthy child .... if and only if you exhibit these qualities in front of me....each day every day.....i learn by watching what you do not what you say to me....thats parenting 101....So keep it together for my sake....now excuse me Chota bheem is back....