My birth story(s)

I meant to write this a long time back. Now that both of them are taking synchronized naps may be i should.

I think i waited this long coz i wanted to see how my second time goes. whether the first time was just a fluke. or may be i didnt want to jinx it. but now that i am going to stop at two. i feel its important to share this. I have given birth twice. something that many before me have done and many after me will do.  So what is special about my story. Nothing. or may be everything.

Ok so mid of 2008 after i found out i was pregnant. I went through a lot of emotions which is a stuff for another post. But amongst everything the one thing i wanted most was a normal birth.(I later found out normal is a very relative term when it comes to birthing) Many around me had a C-section and i didnt think babies are supposed to come into the world that way. (I know its life-saving when needed. but i was thinking of uncalled for interventions) Husband was totally with me on this. And so the hunt began. and it is true that when you want something the whole universe conspires to bring it to you. coz within few days i chanced upon an article in TOI about Hypnobirthing. and it changed the way i thought of birth and my body and pregnancy and babies in general it was a life-changing thing.

We immediately ordered Marie Mongans book from US (now its available on flipkart) one thing led to other and i met wonderful Kasia who was a yoga instructor a doula and a hypno birth specialist among other things. I started my pre-natal yoga with her. And later the 5 weeks hypno birthing course with my husband. We were lucky to have four best instructors at that time*. Those few hours every friday we spent as a couple expecting our first child with these amazing women were the most defining moments of my birth story. They changed the entire mind-set. Those ridiculous myths that we have been told for years were busted. and I was very calm and confident about giving birth.

Everyone around me were skeptical about this. I realised i cant win them over so i stopped arguing. As long as there was one on my team my birth partner. Even my doctor sadly did not approve of everything i was asking for. But it was OK. I thought i will make her change her mind.

When the day came (2009)
My water broke at 3ish in the morning. One of the things I had come to understand was if yours is a low-risk pregnancy its better to reach the hospital later than early. That gives them less chance of intervening. So i went right back to sleep. Except it wasnt easy coz literally water was flowing out and you cant make it stop. So after several visits to the loo i decided to wake up my mom. We then went to the hospital at 4.30 am. by which time i could feel the surges. Now i was sort of fighting against the system. So i strictly refused to let them put a needle for IV in case i go for a C-sec. I just told them i wont. My parents were terrified that i was being so stubborn but they didnt say anything. Of course they did give me an enema coz i was too wary of fighting. i just needed to be left alone so i could keep calm n focus on my affirmations. I had expect i would birth around 10am i dont knw but i had given myself that time. So i was asking for my i-pod being setup meanwhile going thru my affirmations and breathing. Also i was taking whichever position i felt comfortable in. this is when they called me to the "labour room" and said im well on my way of birthing. WAIT WHAT?? Where is my husband i screamed. It was 6am. the doctor was being called. Luckily husband reached in next fifteen minutes. I had never been happier to see his face. I knew he would fight for me now and i can just shut myself and go to my deep place and communicate with my baby.And we did. Arav and I were having our own conversation and at 6.34 am he was birthed. It was amazing and a big relief. But if the birth went smooth the after-birth secnario was different. I was given an epsiotomy which i had specifically refused and for which husband fought too but i was too into the process to protest then. I dont knw if it was that or i just had the tendency to bleed but it took good 30 minutes for my uterus to contact and for stitches to be given. Honestly that was such a downer. And later we struggled with breastfeeding for about 10 days. The PND (post natal depression) was coming quick and heavy but somehow we tided through. and by we i mean Me and Arav. Dont think anyone else was ruffled by turn of events. So my perfect birth plan had some loose ends. but i more or less got through without too much interventions.

When the night came (2013)
This time "once bitten twice shy" prevailed. I honestly wanted a home-birth but my family thought i was taking this natural-birth thing too far. So i found myself at the same room with the same doctor. But i did smarten up and also parents were trusting me a little more. So when the surges started at 7pm i called the doctor and told her that they r 15 min apart and i wish to stay home longer. She agreed. I was reading "The oath of vayuputras" which got me through that entire uncomfortable day actually. Around 9.30 i was too restless and decided to walk on the terrace of mom's flat. Since i was just lying down the whole day it felt the right thing to do. Except it wasnt. i barely reached the terrace door and i had a strong urge to sit down. so quickly i came back to the living room and timed my surges. they were 4 mins apart. I signalled to my mom lets go. Surprisingly dad said are u sure? we can wait more if u like. I was amused by that thought but delaying didnt feel right. So we were there in the hospital. This time they insisted i keep the needle ready in my veins in case i bled like the last time. i had done my home work. i gave them a list of things i was ok with. The nurses exchanged some "here comes the know-it-all" looks. but kept quiet. And the doctor too was mellow. She didnt let me go into a room but allowed me to walk the corridors. I was already 10cm dilated she wanted to manually burst my water. I wouldn't let that happen. So we waited . At this time i must say husband and i were joking around. At 10.20ish it happened. i was inside the room with the husband. and we felt like these seasoned parents who could do this on our own. very cocky no? but we did. one more time. together as a team and out came Nivaan. all pink and raw. at 11.11pm. this time the post birth thing was different. i was calm about the pitocin drip that i was given after the birth. He weighed 3.75 kg and 50 cm long. He also had the cord around his neck. But these were just things which were told to me later. And i fed him minutes after birth. So i did manage to get my perfect birth. Almost. because once again episiotomy was given.

well you win some you lose some.

So this is what transpired. I have in the past said things like "oh giving birth is easier than getting your tooth extracted" but that is coz no one tells u wisdom tooth extraction can be such a bitch. What i mean is everyone has a birth story most of which is filled with horror nightmarish incidents. But with some pro-active research and getting the right support it doesnt have to be.
 

Here is the list of things and people who made almost natural birth possible for me (twice)

1. Hypnobirthing book by Marie Mongan http://hypnobirthing.com/
2. Kasia Wierzbicka Shahi : My wonderful yoga instructor and hypnobirthing instructor. She has recently started a birthing sanctuary in Goa. http://www.birthingsanctuary.com/
3. Kavita Mukhi : A wonderful person nutrionist, LLL leader and pioneer of Farmers market in Mumbai. Kavita was a pillar of strength both pre and post birth. and patiently heard me cry in the middle of the night. Thank you so much.
4. Ruth Malik : Founder of birthindia the movement empowering Indian women to get their birth back. http://www.birthindia.org/
5. Dr Sangeeta Shah : leading hypnotherapist and alternative healer. Also someone with a magically soothign voice  http://www.drsangeetashah.com/home.asp
6. La Leche League : this is an international organization to support women to breastfeed. It is full of wonderful volunteers who would mean more to you than anyone else whenyou are going through your post natal blues. Just the kind of person you would want around whether or not you breastfeed. https://www.llli.org/india.html
7. Arav and Nivaan : gotta give credit where it is due.  they decided to stay inside with very little discomfort to me (not much morning sickness good weight gain etc etc) they stayed till the very end. Both were born on a Sunday. 2 days before their respective due dates. and while one chose early morning other was my midnight sun.