The questions you dont ask

Not long ago I was wary of your questions.....you seem to ask them all the time...i thought u did it on purpose just to see how easily i get annoyed....even though I reminded myself of good parenting 101....always encourage your children to ask questions....always answer them politely....they are little curious scientists....etc etc....Blah....its 7 pm and i am in no mood to play 1001 questions...

Why you get angry Mamma?

why we have to leave naani house mamma?

what will we do when daadi goes back mamma?

who makes the cars mamma?

where does the garbage truck takes the trash mamma?

what is "fuckitell" mamma? (he overheard me saying fuck it hell..... oops)

How did the baby get inside your tummy mamma? 

when you cry i feel hurt mamma....here (he points at his chest) ok so this is not a question but it makes me want to run away....seriously....

So i thought answering your questions is the most difficult thing to do.....answering you nicely i mean...

But every time i share some knowledge with you.....every time i correct you....every time my answer don't match with the picture you have of this world....i feel like i am disappointing you.....like i am robbing you of your innocence....I dont want to do that.....i want you to think this world is amazing....

Few evenings ago you were upset about something....i wanted to distract you...so i started making animal noises....it worked you forgot what you were angry about....Mamma be a lion *roar* be a dog *woof woof* a cat *meow* a goat *baa baa* NO a goat *meh meh* No mamma......here i will show you....

you took my dupatta and tied my hands....just like the ones we saw Mamma....

We were in our car stopped at a signal....it was the day before bakra-eid....there was a tempo in front of us....with few goats tied inside....their limbs were all tied they look bored or scared i dont know....you pointed at them and said "look goats" but you didnt ask me anything.....i waited for the questions to come...but you just kept looking at them....You found your own answer....

I'm scared .... it makes me uneasy when you don't ask questions..... don't stop now.....not yet.....

Another one?

Now that the bump is really showing (I'm making no efforts to hide it.....flaunting it rather)
this is what i'm getting to hear

"Are you expecting?" (yes thats not fat you know)

"Are you going the family way?" (Errr... dont i have a son already?)

"Are you carrying?" (yes thats my uterus working really hard)

Someone really rude will come and touch my belly and then ask "can i touch?" well NO back off

but the more strange ones come from mums of 2-3 year olds

"You really have some guts haa?"

"Good Luck man its going to be so much work"

"Why?"

"Another one? Who has another one in this age and time?"

Well only those who have one already.....I mean i know of a lot of people who have 2 or more for reasons best known to them.....My having another one is not a statement.....its not an act of defiance.....or me trying to prove any point.....My reason is very simple....I'm having another one because I'm simply and totally in love with my first one....The last 3 years have been the most amazing time of my life....Watching this little pound of flesh who came out of me turn into a beautiful person is a miracle....The way he is becoming a little person creating his own identity.....watching him grow every day has been like being in an amazing experiment.....

So i'm having another one because i want to feel this high of mother hood again.....and its more fun this time coz Arav is in on it with me....We are talking about the baby everyday....we are talking to the baby everyday....In the night he takes the bottle of aloe vera gel and slathers it all over my belly....while talking to the baby about his day....He practices pre-natal yoga with me and reminds me to take my vitamins....he fetches Digene for me whenever he sees my "god-damn-this heartburn-face"

Here is how our going to bed prayer sounds like

Dear God pls give us a healthy happy baby ---- Arav adds " i promise to share my toys with the baby"
Someday it is " i will take care of the baby but not clean his/her potty
Someday it is " i will sleep with mamma and if the baby comes in between i will kick him/her off the bed" at which point we stop talking about the baby.....

Well of course it will be challenging.....but we will have fun... Me Arav and Anushka/Aarush ( names picked by Arav for the baby)

So yea go ahead wish me ... congratulate me.....and while you are at it sign up for baby-sitting :)

A "Good" Fight

I have not had one of those in a while..... A good fight**.... The kind that builds intimacy...

The kind of fight where you go to the very edge but then rush towards each other again as if it was end of the world....the kind of fight where you expose the most vulnerable raw part of you but you are not afraid to.....because there is an all-accepting embrace at the end of it.....The fight which breaks all the expectations and then builds new ones.....The dialogue that you have with yourself and you know will lead to trouble when you say it loud and still it comes spilling out of you....and when it does you realize half of those things that you planned to say never came out......because they were not needed.....there is an intense gaze that says "It's OK.. I love you...I may not always say so but I do....Not despite of your faults but sometimes because of them....I love you because you are you....."

The kind of fight that muddles with your brains and shakes the very core of you...where at the end you are left both utterly exhausted and exhilarated.... The kind of fight that leaves you flushed, blushed and very chuffed.... The one which makes you want to announce to the world how great your fight was but also the kind which makes you want to shut up and keep it private just for your own self....and smile your mysterious smile and feel very smug about yourself....

you know what I am talking about? Wait.....do you? I walk to the other room where he is working on his laptop and I ask him "What according to you is a good fight?"

A good fight is the one that leads to make-up sex.....Great make-up sex

Hmm thats one way of putting it.....

I definitely want me one of  those


** Again inspired by the amazing Natasha Badhwar http://www.livemint.com/articles/2012/07/27202529/The-perfect-anniversary-gift.html