Azaadi moms ki

Happy Independence Day!

Wait you are a mom you don’t know what freedom is. You are a chattel slave of a three feet human that you produced! That too sober! (or not)

Anyway, since we are talking about freedom, here is a list of things we mothers need freedom from on this independence day:

1.       Judgemental people: They say it takes a whole village to raise a child. But can we do away with the judgy village folk? No really the last thing I need is for you to judge me just because my child is throwing a very untimely tantrum

2.       Unwanted advice: Scratch that. Any Advice period. Seriously the moment we get pregnant the whole world and their mother thinks they have to unload advice on us. All of a sudden in-laws, neighbors, maids, neighbors’ maids, door ki Maasi, Delhi wali bua, and sundry feels the need to share their invaluable gyaan. No thank you Auntyji.

3.       Maid tantrums: Can we please please have house help insurance? If one leaves us in lurch the insurance guys have to replace with another. Because finding one, training her, learning to trust her only to be ditched at the altar is the worst kind of heartbreak.

4.       Martyr Syndrome: Can we get a break from this selfless, all –giving , every forgiving, putting herself last Nirupama Roy wali Maa? We are Prisma dude! We are unapologetic, bad-ass, stealing our kids’ chocolates, swearing under our breath Maa.

5.       Peer pressure: You know that impeccably dressed mother of an over-achiever kid? Sitting in the front row of all school functions, first name basis with the principal whose child is winning the student of the year award. Or the one whose timeline is filled with flawless family pictures at Phoren locations who conducts a bake sale for charity and throws the best birthday parties. The tiger mother who always makes you feel bad for your lazy panda parenting. Yes those moms. I’m allergic to them. My child goes to school in bus because I don’t want to encounter this specie at the school gate

6.       Whatsapp groups: If you are a mom of two this is what your Whatsapp looks like.

o   Grade 3 D Division

o   Jr KG Division A

o   Grade 3 GHV school

o   Chess class Monday Batch

o   Gymnastics @ Don Bosco

o   Class Café

o   Kiaan turns 4

o   Moms club 

o   Drawing class @ JB

o   Ganpati Dance Rehearsals – Junior group

o   I-day elocution practice group

This list is unending. Whatsapp has to be the bane of my existence as a mother. It almost makes me wonder if parenting was even possible before the invention of Whatsapp.

7.       School work and projects : Think of all the best out of waste, Environment friendly Ganesha, Dress up as freedom fighter, Poster on water conservation, working model of a car made our of milk carton. Think of all the hours spent making crap nobody cares about. Sign me out please.

8.       Birthday Parties: No really. Can we just have a drop off birthday party where both kids are invited irrespective of their age and where the mother insists on no-gift no return gift policy? I don’t want to dress up and hang around bunch of equally jaded parents at an extremely noisy hall which serves sugar bombs and make my already hyper kids hyperventilate. I definitely don’t want to see another mom in a matching matching dress as her child. NO. Just NO.

9.       Mommy Politics: Breast or Bottle? Cloth or Disposable? Organic or Natural? Baby wearing or Baby holding? Normal or C-section? Co-sleeping or baby cot? Only child or siblings? ICSE or CBSE or IB or Waldorf or Home schooling? Anti-biotics or Homeopathy? English or Mother tongue? Screen time or not? I don’t want this. I don’t want to read another article telling me working mothers raise independent kids or stay-at-home mother’s children are more secure. Just let us be please. Parenting is hard enough without adding all this politics to it.

10.   Unpaid Labor: Motherhood is nothing but 20 years (if you are lucky) of bonded unpaid labor. A salary.com survey tells us an average stay-at-home mom is putting in 94 hours a week and worth more than $112,0004 year. That’s right! No more free labor. We want to be paid. Because we are worth it!

This post was first featured on First Moms Club website.

Hormonal imbalance

When I birthed my younger son, I realized that I will be living with only males. It was a scary thought. There is the husband the 8 year old and a 4 year old. Even our help is a man. So you can imagine the testosterone levels tend to tip on the higher side. Usually I dont bother much about this but its a different story every time I am PMSing.

Yes in a house full of these XY creatures I unleash my hormonal imbalance every three weeks. and these poor sods don't know where to hide. I would write them a handbook if i wasn't so angry at all of them. 

Anyway so husband has a great way to handle this. He stocks chocolates in the house and make travel plans to conveniently avoid the crazy days. It took me a while to understand his modus operandi. But I kind of like it now. Its so much better than him being around and me feeling murderous towards him. Kids on the other hand have no clue why their mother becomes this fire spewing dragon every few days. 

Sometime ago I took Arav aside and told him about periods. I said Mamma has an organ in her body "uterus" which is where she kept you and N before you were born. And every month when there is no baby inside that organ expels the extra tissues and blood and Mamma ends up feeling uncomfortable and unwell. and that is also why I become all shouty at you guys. His first reaction was wow. Your body is so complicated. But now he is a super trooper on my team. Fetches me things and in general leaves me alone.

Yesterday I heard him tell N its mamma's private days and she needs rest. So both of them played quietly on their i-pads (yes take all the gadgets you want just leave me alone please) And today morning both got ready for school on their own. Meanwhile I was slithering on the bed, rolling myself on the heating pad. When we were in the elevator, both hugged me. Arav commented I was like a pokemon (i forgot the name) who has fire in his belly because my tummy was so warm. He kissed my tummy and said Listen uterus mamma has us she doesnt want more babies so dont trouble her so much. and he left for his bus. Can you imagine how mushy that made me? 

Anyway it did not take away my pain but at least I hope when they are with their partners they would be tad more sensitive towards them. 

If not they can always stock on chocolates and take the easy way out.

Of mothers and sisters

Few days ago we went out for dinner. Just husband and I. He didn't know this but for me it was our birthday celebration. Our birthdays which were a month ago. It rained like crazy and the 3 year old had a bad viral scene so of course we didn't have any celebration. The husband did not notice that. Birthdays are no big deal for him. But they are for me. So few days ago when mother in law was visiting I dropped massive hints about how he owes me a dinner and he booked us a table at a happening place in Bandra. It takes one of the visits from one of the grand moms for us to have a decent dinner out. I'm one of those crazy moms who refused to hire a nanny (which in India most of us can) A decision I quite frankly question a lot. At least twice a day. You see I'm selfish. I want all of my children's time. But I also want some of mine. It is like being on a treadmill. I'm constantly on the move but I'm forever on hold. You know what I mean? If you are nodding your head right now, you have children under the age of 40.

So anyway back to this dinner. I dressed up and washed and conditioned and gelled my hair. and clicked dozen selfies and sent them to my favorite girls. My sister replied "You look like mom from back when she was young" I knew which picture she was referring to. We have seen few of mum's black and white photos. Bell bottom pants and puff sleeved top. Long hair with just one snake like latt near her eyebrow. And kohl in her big eyes. She must be barely 14 in that picture. I tried to remember what I looked like at 14. I had to shake my head to forget that horrific image. I remembered the times when people have told me I look like my mom. When I was a teenager I would take offence. I thought it meant I look old. When I just had Arav I was embarrassed coz I thought it meant I'm fat. But now I know it is a huge compliment. To be told I look like my mom. Will I ever carry myself with the confidence she does? The dignity that her personality has. I dont know I can only try. I think of all her three children I resemble her the most and she knows that. She has mentioned it to me whenever I put some weight on. Meanwhile her opinion on my sartorial choices is this " Why are you so ajeeb?"  Just two days ago we planned to meet a cousin who was not well and she casually mentioned wear a kurti and come. I knew what she meant she did not want me to be ajeeb.

The same day my little one said "Aap ekdum maasi lag rahe ho" I giggled with him. This again would have offended me in a previous life time. Back when we were growing up if someone mentioned oh you sisters look so alike we would vehemently disagree. People always assumed I was the older one and it enraged me. Once someone assumed I'm the mother of her son while shes the new bride ( I was barely 18 years old then) As a teen ager where I was craving to create my own identity such comparisons would irk me. But today I'm grateful. If someone says you look so much like your sister I would take it as a huge compliment. Shes pretty and graceful. And she's highly photogenic. I think the reason Niv said I look like Maasi is because I was dressed up. He must have so far only seen me in my ajeeb avatar. So this must be a nice change for him.

Yes I would like to be more like Mom and Dee Dee. Not just in looks. But this is a beginning I think.