Azaadi moms ki

Happy Independence Day!

Wait you are a mom you don’t know what freedom is. You are a chattel slave of a three feet human that you produced! That too sober! (or not)

Anyway, since we are talking about freedom, here is a list of things we mothers need freedom from on this independence day:

1.       Judgemental people: They say it takes a whole village to raise a child. But can we do away with the judgy village folk? No really the last thing I need is for you to judge me just because my child is throwing a very untimely tantrum

2.       Unwanted advice: Scratch that. Any Advice period. Seriously the moment we get pregnant the whole world and their mother thinks they have to unload advice on us. All of a sudden in-laws, neighbors, maids, neighbors’ maids, door ki Maasi, Delhi wali bua, and sundry feels the need to share their invaluable gyaan. No thank you Auntyji.

3.       Maid tantrums: Can we please please have house help insurance? If one leaves us in lurch the insurance guys have to replace with another. Because finding one, training her, learning to trust her only to be ditched at the altar is the worst kind of heartbreak.

4.       Martyr Syndrome: Can we get a break from this selfless, all –giving , every forgiving, putting herself last Nirupama Roy wali Maa? We are Prisma dude! We are unapologetic, bad-ass, stealing our kids’ chocolates, swearing under our breath Maa.

5.       Peer pressure: You know that impeccably dressed mother of an over-achiever kid? Sitting in the front row of all school functions, first name basis with the principal whose child is winning the student of the year award. Or the one whose timeline is filled with flawless family pictures at Phoren locations who conducts a bake sale for charity and throws the best birthday parties. The tiger mother who always makes you feel bad for your lazy panda parenting. Yes those moms. I’m allergic to them. My child goes to school in bus because I don’t want to encounter this specie at the school gate

6.       Whatsapp groups: If you are a mom of two this is what your Whatsapp looks like.

o   Grade 3 D Division

o   Jr KG Division A

o   Grade 3 GHV school

o   Chess class Monday Batch

o   Gymnastics @ Don Bosco

o   Class Café

o   Kiaan turns 4

o   Moms club 

o   Drawing class @ JB

o   Ganpati Dance Rehearsals – Junior group

o   I-day elocution practice group

This list is unending. Whatsapp has to be the bane of my existence as a mother. It almost makes me wonder if parenting was even possible before the invention of Whatsapp.

7.       School work and projects : Think of all the best out of waste, Environment friendly Ganesha, Dress up as freedom fighter, Poster on water conservation, working model of a car made our of milk carton. Think of all the hours spent making crap nobody cares about. Sign me out please.

8.       Birthday Parties: No really. Can we just have a drop off birthday party where both kids are invited irrespective of their age and where the mother insists on no-gift no return gift policy? I don’t want to dress up and hang around bunch of equally jaded parents at an extremely noisy hall which serves sugar bombs and make my already hyper kids hyperventilate. I definitely don’t want to see another mom in a matching matching dress as her child. NO. Just NO.

9.       Mommy Politics: Breast or Bottle? Cloth or Disposable? Organic or Natural? Baby wearing or Baby holding? Normal or C-section? Co-sleeping or baby cot? Only child or siblings? ICSE or CBSE or IB or Waldorf or Home schooling? Anti-biotics or Homeopathy? English or Mother tongue? Screen time or not? I don’t want this. I don’t want to read another article telling me working mothers raise independent kids or stay-at-home mother’s children are more secure. Just let us be please. Parenting is hard enough without adding all this politics to it.

10.   Unpaid Labor: Motherhood is nothing but 20 years (if you are lucky) of bonded unpaid labor. A salary.com survey tells us an average stay-at-home mom is putting in 94 hours a week and worth more than $112,0004 year. That’s right! No more free labor. We want to be paid. Because we are worth it!

This post was first featured on First Moms Club website.