Tuesday, July 16, 2013

A playdate gone wrong

Caution : If you are currently thinking of making a baby or baby no 2 STOP . Do not read further.

You are reading. Fair enough consider yourself warned.

So this is the story about how on a fine Saturday morning i decided it will be great to check out the mini sea-shore in our vicinity. One of the things we miss about Andheri was access to the beach. and Arav absolutely misses making sand castles. So i thought lets explore what is near us. And thus i put myself way out there and asked a couple of mommies to accompany us. Now playdating is so much more complicated than normal dating coz u have to take permission of maids, cooks, astrologers before you can say yes.

And if its a weekend then Husbands too....I have a husband who has flexible work timings. what it means is he is forever busy and what it translates to is he always thinks he deserves a break because he is always working. and he tends to get busier on the weekends. Now generally i wouldn't care about this but now i don't get invited to lunches. Also i think since im in a 2 kid zone while rest of the people are in 1 kid i have fallen off the grid. Add to it my man is not available. So even among mommies my social scene is bleak. Plus getting stood up on a playdate is the worst. A mom i know has gone back to work after 4 years of being SAHM (stay at home mom) and one of the reasons is she got tired of play-date politics. (read her very awesome blog here )

 And the entire friday it rained heavily so it looked like the plan would never take off. But Sat morning was bright and shining and our stars aligned with 3 other moms. And that was when i broke the news to Arav. Needless to say he was very excited.

So we packed beach toys and extra pair of clothes and some food. And kangaroo bag and car seat and stroller for Niv and took off for our adventure. We reached there before time got a nice place to park. And started walking towards our meeting point when it started drizzling lightly. At this time we remembered (I remembered) that I had forgotten Aravs raincoat and my big umbrella at home. Thats ok we kept walking. Within moments light drizzling gave way to heavy downpour with strom and what-not. We ran to the nearest cover. The rains lashed for 15 mins. Niv was shivering in my arms and Arav whined and complained about how forgetful his mamma is. And about 20 eyes of strangers looked at me like Iam a nut job for getting little kids in such weather. (I kind of agreed with them)

Our friends rescued us and dropped us back to our car. The plan was then changed to mall as we couldnt have taken these kids back home after promising them a fun day. After 17 seconds in the car Niv decided to cry his lungs out. I stopped the car jumped on the back seat and fed him. While the ac and wipers were on , it was heavily pouring outside and Arav was whining like it was the end of the world. I was very close to a meltdown and my brains were muddled by Niv's loud cries. Somehow i calmed all three of us and resumed driving. At the next light Niv gave up and just wailed and wailed. Arav got into a speech " I wish u hadnt made this baby. He delays everything. He wants feed feed feed all the time. I just hate everyone"

I did want to tell him that if i wasnt making babies then even he wouldnt be here. but i think the irony would have been lost on him. So i kept my eyes on the road and honked like i was possessed.

I pulled Niv out of the baby seat and in my lap and kept driving (yes i realise that was stupid but listening to a baby cry non stop can do weird things to your decision-making) at next light i asked Arav to pass the car seat ahead and I plopped Niv in it and blasted the radio. This scared both of them. So there were bewildered eyes looking at me and " Aa re pritam pyaare" playing at 40 volume in my car while i was deciding whether to just go home or stop at the mall. One look at Aravs face and i decided to stop. Meanwhile a friend who reached a little later at the sea-shore was calling me while i was driving. I decided to pick up the phone and let her hear Niv screaming. She got the point.

In the mall I let Arav do whatever he felt like. So he ate cotton candy and lollipop and ice cream and fries and burger and jumped and ran and even bought him a toy. All this time fed Niv like 28 times and flashed my boobs to the entire food court. But at this point I seriously didnt give a fuck.

After 3 hours of all this we trudged our way back to home. And surprisingly both were playing with the minion toy they got with their happy meal. As soon as i got home it started raining again. This time i just circled my car 5 times around our building and it stopped. Once inside i was on auto-pilot changing their clothes putting them down for a nap. At this point Arav remembered we didnt actually go to the beach and he said " you never keep ur promises i am very upset with u"

You ungrateful git.....Do u have any idea of what i went through just so you dont spend another weekend holed up at home? I chased those mommies so u can have friends to play with.....I cursed ur dad for working another weekend....I drove through crazy rains and a baby howling behind just so u can have a good time and this is what u tell me....

But i didnt say this to him...I just said " Shut-up and sleep and we will talk when u get up." and i remembered all the time my mum used to give this speech and i used to think well then u shouldnt have become a mommy....what u crying victim for? yes that was me.....now i want to roll on her feet and apologize and say thank you for everything she did for us.....and tell her how Karma is such a bitch and i have kids just like me....Next time i go to her house i will just tell her to save me from my kids ....for sometime....

So in case you are wondering what the two tykes were upto while i wrote this post? Well thats the stuff for my next post :)



Monday, June 24, 2013

A note to my 16 year old self

On the eve of turning  the big 3  0 i thought it will be fun to write a letter to my 16 year old self.  I remember my 16th birthday it wasnt very long ago it was a nice rainy day like every year. I was the last among my friends to turn 16. There was eating out and getting wet in the rain and bhutta and backstreet boys songs involved. So in short it was the best of times. Anyways back to the letter

Dear sweet sixteen Shweta

1. 30 is not old. Seriously nor is 40 or 50. And definetly not 20

2. You have amazing curly hair. You just dont know how to wear them. Domt worry you will learn . Stop ironing them

3. You will get married at 22. It will be an arranged marriage. You will become the ultimate marwari housewife. (Yeah sounds unbelievable right?)

4. You will not be fat atleast. Well except when you are expecting and after giving birth and few years in between

5. You will be mom to 2 boys. Yup thats right. Dont worry they are adorable.

6. You will never use trigonometry, statistics, accounts, derivatives, or pretty much all other things you are studying right now in your life.

7. Dont aspire to become a cpa or a cfa. Try to find a career that will let you work from home. Dont scorn. In not so far future u will be grateful for this advice

8. You will teach music to kids. Right? How on earth did that happen? Music? Kids?

9. The friends you are spending a lot of time with right now will not bother to keep in touch. They wont come to your wedding. Wont even add you on facebook. Wait you dont know whats facebook. Its ok.. You will soon find out

10. Dont worry you will make new friends. Some of them will be there for you always.

11. The cute guy u have a crush on will become fat and lose hair. I know this through facebook. U will see.

12. You will realise no one can love you more than your parents. Also that you love them so very much.

13. You will miss your siblings. Yup they get on your nerves but you will miss them when you are far from them

14. You will learn to bake. Yay!!

15. You will learn to love yourself a little more.

16. You will judge people far less.

17. You will become less ignorant but also less innocent.

18. But you will not become cynical. ( except when you are PMSing that doesnt change)

19. You will be hopelessly optimistic. You will always remain Gods fav child.

20. Your tastes will change. Your choices will differ

21. But you will continue to love rains, poems, books, friends tv show, dance and desserts

22. You will enjoy silences, walk in the park and your own company.

23. Your love affair with june will never end.

24. You will become pregnant in june. Twice. Thats right

25. You will marry someone who is born in june just like you

26. He will be nothing like you

27. But he will be a lot like you

28. He will not be anything like you expect him to be.

29. Which actually is a very good thing

30. There is no one youer than you. (Thats a line by dr. Seuss. You will find out who that is)

Love you
30 yr old Shweta

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Summer afternoons

Hot humid sticky
never ending
long summer afternoons

switch off the TV quick
lets take a nap
pull the curtains
oh no hes done potty
bring me
the wipes quick

turn off the tv i said
n start the AC
its so bloody hot
hehehe u said bleddy
whatever close your eyes now

NOW

i give u five minutes
to sleep or else
ok start the fan and turn off the AC
and bring me my phone its ringing
dont pick it up

can u also fetch baby's blanket please?

ok now sleep its 3 already
i will wake u at 5 u have skating class
why arent u sleeping?

Mamma u give me 100 things to do
how will i sleep?

Ok sorry can i give you a hug?
No its too hot....goodnight